Today is the last day of a 10 day cycle of provera - I haven't had a period since june and of course I am nor pregnant. I also have endometriosis and I am supposed to call the dr on cycle day one and take a lupron shot-to help with some pain that I was having issues with earlier in the year. I took a Lupron shot when I was trying to get pregnant before IUI to shut down my system and make it easier for the meds to "restart" my hormonal cycle. The pain is better and I am really struglling with the decision to take it or not. I want to help stop the pain, and would be ok restarting my system -but gosh that stuff makes me feel so yucky. I am trying to think positive and hope that with the provera and the 50 pounds of weight loss that it will make me ovulate after this cycle , but I am not gonna get my hopes up ! Ah who am i kidding we all know that's not true. I have already calculated a due dat if I were to get pregnant ---
  I recently had a vertigo spell and had to go to the ER and they said they would have to do a pregnancy test in case and I was secretly hoping it would be one of those well you are pregnant visits where ladies get that "surprise" diagnosis --but ALAS no such luck . I am trying to think positive that it will happen if it's meant to be and be grateful for the toddler who is currently sleeping peacefully in his toddler bed - all by himself for the first time since he came home from hospital as a newborn. Yep I was a co-sleeping mommy. I just couldn't resist cuddling with him at night and didn't wanna be away from him for one second more than I had to be, so he slept with me every night. But I now realize that was selfish and he needs to learn to sleep on his own and it will be better for him to have a regular sleep schedule

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OK so I haven't started my period since june -and no I am not pregnant ..I keep waiting for my system to improve with the weight loss, but i haven't noticed any change at all -escept my hair is falling out just as much and maybe more than it was before . I had hoped that I would magically become pregnant after losing the weight, but I guess that;s not happening for me. I was watching Aiden play today and realized that I am very tired every day, I go to bed exhausted and some days frustrated from dealing with the terrible 2's ...and today I actually told myself that maybe I would be ok with Aiden and that I should start to come to terms with him being my only living biological child. I really wanted a daughter , but I think I might be at the stage in life where I am ready to give that dream up and have time to myself when Aiden is in school..
In a week or so heck maybe even tomorrow, I will probably feel a lot different ! But today this is how I feel.
    I also got an email from the fertility clinic that we used for Allison and Aiden and they opened an office closer to our house. Is that a sign ???? maybe -maybe not .
    I am going to have to get my provera prescription filled this week and take it , because the GYN said I need to have a cycle at least every 3 months to keep the endometriosis from building up --ugggg I so do not like to take that stuff, it definitely works , but the period is so painful after taking those. And mine are already painful enough-