Another cycle

Well, it's cycle day 2 and of course the endometriosis pain is horrible and practically unbearable . I can deal with it though. I have to keep telling myself that it will only last a few days and I can make it . The only medication that I take is ibuprofen , at the beginning of January whe I found out I was pregnant I stopped every medication and after the miscarriage I never started it again. I shrugged it off when the OB kept remarking on how strong I was and how he was in awe at the things I have Been through and the courage I showed. I never believed it because inside I felt as weak as a wet paper towel ( and not bounty either LOL) . But as time goes by I've though about his comments and that other people have said the same thing, and I've began to realize I AM.. So when I feel as if the atrocities of my day are too much to handle and I want to reach for pharmaceuticals to help, I repeat to myself that I am strong, and tough and I can handle this . Whether it be the horrible vise-like grip of endometriosis,, the gut wrenching spasms of Crohn's disease, the horrible diarrhea that keeps me feet away from a toilet , the I'm gonna surely die anxiety and panic attacks, or the I can't even breathe without wincing in pain fibromyalgia, or the numerous spine conditions--- I take a small amount of OTC medication to help and the tell myself --you got this-- it won't last forever -- you gotta kick in to beast mode and beat this -- and a you know what ??? It really works .. Most of my cycles I need Vicodin and soma  to survive the first 4 days, but since the miscarriage this is cycle number 4 and I never took one prescription pain med or muscle relaxer.. Heating pad , lots of water, some hot tea just to soothe me and 2-3 ibuprofen and a good movie or novel and I make it through !!! So yeah I may sound conceited but I am strong !!!!!! 

Toes in the sand

Woke up this morning to an ocean view and the salty smell in the wind blowing through the balcony air.... Aahhhhhhhh vacation ?? Nope but it's ok because if I am near an ocean I'm happy . My other in law had to come to Florida for a lawsuit and we bright her, so we booked a hotel in Clearwater beach and when we arrived they upgraded us to a suite !!!  They have great amenities and plenty of activities to do without having to leave the hotel property. But I have to walk the area and see the sites, and of course I have no choice , I have to find a local thrift or consignment store. It's my addiction and I have to feed this addiction . There we much worse thing to be addicted to I suppose. And I've managed to find great deals during my excursions. I love it when someone compliments and outfit or accessories that I've purchased second-hand . I have a low self esteem and I secretly crave these compliments. My other tells me that I would look nice in a potato sack.. Which coming from her is hard-earned because she doesn't have a maternal bone in her body !!!   

 We haven't yet made it to the sand and sea, Aiden was super happy to be at the kiddie pool and I want to see him happy , so we stayed at the pool . And had dinner at the restaurant in the hotel , and the most delicious Bloody Mary I've tasted in , well forever ! And tonight I am gonna try the tropical drink with the umbrella or the one in the bucket , maybe both !!! One around lunch and the other at dinner..why mot I am in the tropical areaso might as well.   

Odd symptom

 Today is only cycle day 13 and I'm already spotting . I don't remember ever doing this before , Except for a few cycles when I was on birth control period when I was 19 . I've been carefully monitoring and tracking my cycles since the miscarriage in February and this has me both puzzled and  worried ? Hubby and I had intercourse Thursday and I noticed spotting afterwards and we had intercourse  last night and this morning the spotting has been a little heavier than last time but not nearly enough for it to be a period . Well at least not so far anyway . So I'm worried that this is one of the signs of ovarian cancer , which has been a fear of mine for a long time. I have had abnormal Pap smears and once had treatment for HPV when I was 23, so I'm always wondering about ht reproductive cancers . I have had normal Pap smears for the last 9 years.  I am due for one actually overdue and was going to have it at the OB appointment when they discovered the baby had no heartbeat, and I'm guessing they chose to not do it so we could deal with the news. Part of me was and still is hoping it could be implantation, but I really doubt that's a possibility . I have been taking OPK and they have had two lines but the test line is never darker than the control line .

  Have some things planned for the next two weeks so I will have to wait to make an appointment and just hope for the best .   Wondering too if it could be still because of the miscarriage and my system is just confused ????