So far So good

The pregnancy seems to be going well so far 8 wks 1 day. no issues or scares yet. We go back to OB on the 9th of February . I have had some mild cramping and of course I think that it's the beginning of the end. I hope that it is just the growing pains but as any mother who has lost a child or pregnancy knows, we can't just relax. It isn't fair but it's our cross to bear. I keep reminding myself that I know so many women who would like to be able to make it even this far . Just to get that positive pregnancy test would be a miracle for them.  I am afraid to get too excited. All of my clothes are very tight including my stretch clothes . I have an entire kitchen trash bag full of maternity clothes washed and folded --but somehow I can't bring myself to wear them. I am worried people will  think I am silly . But then another part of me wanted to wear them the minute that test was positive !!!!! I was worried I would jinx myself somehow .
    I am a member of some PCOS and miscarriage support groups on facebook, and I  see and hear so may stories of women who lose their baby at all gestational ages and even after they see and hear the heartbeat, and the first thing I do is grab my tummy and wonder if this is gonna be me telling the next story.  I see what seems like well-deserving families losing their precious child/ren and I think that life is so unfair and if god can take away their child then why would he let me keep mine.?
  We are still in the process of becoming licensed foster parents, and we haven't been in a huge rush but we aren't going to stop the process either .
  Paul keeps referring to this baby as a girl, and I am terrified that if it's a boy that he will be devastated. I know he was when he learned that Aiden was a boy. Even I cried for a day or so --but now that he's 4 I can not imagine him being anyone but him. He is the sunshine in my life and means the world to me.