The potty training isn't going well . It's been more than a week and I am only seeing minor signs that it's working. I guess I need to work just a little more diligently at the process and hope for better outcome in a few more days !
Getting ready this week for our week at the beach, wondering how the potty process is gonna be while we are away from home in a place he's not used to , as well as traveling to the condo--
Sunday, June 23, 2013
Wednesday, June 19, 2013
Potty Training FAIL
I am working on potty training and I feel like such a huge failure, he will be THREE in a few weeks and I feel like he should already be using the potty, he just now got to the point that he will actually sit on the potty without clothing on, he has peed in there a few times and I did a super huge happy potty dance , which he really loved !! But I guess I am being lazy and that makes me feel even worse. I try to get him to go every 20- 30 minutes and he will scream NO POTTY, so I don't want to force him and make him totally hate the idea ! As you know when I met Paul the boys were 6months -2- and 3 1/2 and neither one was potty trained. I made it a point to train them . The oldest one was tough but finally he did it in a few weeks. I gave them a skittle if they peed and a dum dum lollipop for bowel movements. The youngest one was potty trained by the time he was 19 months old. So what is my problem now. AM I subconsciously wanting to keep Aiden a baby because I know he is going to be my only living biological child and I am not ready to let the baby phase go ?? Or am I just lazy ??
Last week I took 4 pregnancy tests because my cycle was 5 days late and they were all negative. I as thrilled to become pregnant spontaneously but since I had the miscarriage I kind of wish it wouldn't have happened. Because now I am gonna wonder every month and I am always checking my CM for signs. It's like being back on the TTC roller coaster again. +
Last week I took 4 pregnancy tests because my cycle was 5 days late and they were all negative. I as thrilled to become pregnant spontaneously but since I had the miscarriage I kind of wish it wouldn't have happened. Because now I am gonna wonder every month and I am always checking my CM for signs. It's like being back on the TTC roller coaster again. +
Wednesday, May 15, 2013
what's wrong with me ?/
Ok I know this is going to make me sound like a horrible and insensitive person , and I guess apparently deep down inside I am, but I don't want to be. I have a neighbor who is sort of a friend, I mean we don't hang out or anything but we text every once in a while and we chat on facebook. She has been struggling with infertility because of PCOS for years and can't afford treatments. Well for the past two almost three years she and I have emailed about these struggles. And she went through the process of becoming a foster parent and was approved.Well today she posted that Friday she is getting a newborn baby boy as soon as he is discharged from the hospital. And I had to pretend to be extremely happy for her. I am but I was also jealous. I should still be pregnant and on bedrest getting ready for my newborn. PLUS I have my son who is three and is my biological child. How can I be such a selfish and uncaring person ??? I feel so bad about the way I am feeling right now. I admit I used to daydream about bringing home a baby from the hospital and it being my forever child , and their may be a chance that this will be her son, or that she will have to take him back to someone at some point... so what kind of person does this make me ? No wonder I don't have many close friends--I am probably not great person to person friend material --I prayed to find the answer to this dilemma
Tuesday, May 7, 2013
Healing again
So it has been over two months since I have written anything- I just couldn't get motivated to do it. I was having a pity party and feeling sorry for myself most of that time. I had to go to a cousins baby shower too and then to the hospital when her little girl was born. I love this cousin very much so I was genuinely happy for her, but inside I was a mess. I held her sweet little baby girl in my arms and my heart ached for my own daughter and for the baby we had miscarried a few weeks earlier. I felt betrayed by my body, and then I went into the waiting room where my hubby was waiting and my two year old son run to me and I just hugged him so tight, never letting anyone know how much heartache I was feeling. I pushed it away and took a deep breath and went on with life. After all what was whining about it gonna change and no matter what anyone did or said it wasn't going to bring any one of them back ......
Today I am in Apex with the hubby, and of course he is at work this morning . My toddler woke up in a cranky mood just as I was beginning to type this post, I held him and walked him around trying to comfort him and ''love him out of this mood'' however it was Disney Jr that did the trick LOL, thanks a bunch Jake and the pirates ------I know some people say TV is bad and shouldn't be used as a baby-sitter , and I agree with them that some shows are for sure inappropriate for children and some adults . But I have found that Aiden has learned a lot from PBS and sesame street.
On another note I started my first menstrual cycle since the miscarriage on the first of may , and I have an APP on my phone that tracks cycles and ovulation and of course I checked it and it told me that if I were to get pregnant this cycle the due date would be Feb. 5th-- hmmm the date I miscarried this last pregnancy-- not sure what to think about that coincidence. Heck I am not even sure if I believe in coincidence anyway. I am a karma and fate of the universe believing type of person. And I REALLY want to believe that god has a hand in things, but since losing Allison and the miscarriage my faith has been a little shaky. I am reading my bible daily and praying for that closeness and forgiveness for losing faith . I pray for understanding of things that happen to women like me who would be such great moms and then these women who abuse their children pop out kids like a pez dispenser with no idea ho precious these children are.
Today I am in Apex with the hubby, and of course he is at work this morning . My toddler woke up in a cranky mood just as I was beginning to type this post, I held him and walked him around trying to comfort him and ''love him out of this mood'' however it was Disney Jr that did the trick LOL, thanks a bunch Jake and the pirates ------I know some people say TV is bad and shouldn't be used as a baby-sitter , and I agree with them that some shows are for sure inappropriate for children and some adults . But I have found that Aiden has learned a lot from PBS and sesame street.
On another note I started my first menstrual cycle since the miscarriage on the first of may , and I have an APP on my phone that tracks cycles and ovulation and of course I checked it and it told me that if I were to get pregnant this cycle the due date would be Feb. 5th-- hmmm the date I miscarried this last pregnancy-- not sure what to think about that coincidence. Heck I am not even sure if I believe in coincidence anyway. I am a karma and fate of the universe believing type of person. And I REALLY want to believe that god has a hand in things, but since losing Allison and the miscarriage my faith has been a little shaky. I am reading my bible daily and praying for that closeness and forgiveness for losing faith . I pray for understanding of things that happen to women like me who would be such great moms and then these women who abuse their children pop out kids like a pez dispenser with no idea ho precious these children are.
Thursday, March 7, 2013
Yesterday I was very sore from the D & C, but it was bearable with the medication they gave me. However when I take narcotic pain medicine it changes my moods and I tend to be very irritable so I am trying to stop those and use only ibuprofen. I wonder how many angry people are liek that because they have no choice but to take narcotic pain medications due to a medical issue . Can't imagine how thsoe who are addicted to them hace changed and if they do everyone the same way or just certain people.
The bleeding has pretty much stopped , and I started an antibiotic yesterday as well. She said that since the miscarriage issues had gone on for such a long time then she thought it would be a good idea to take an antibiotic. She called in doxycycline, I am glad she did so that it will be one less complication issue to worry about. SHe told Paul that we could discuss birth control at my next appointment ????? When he said I couldn't take it because of the clotting issue she said there are some non estogen options that are safe for me as well. I haven't had to think about birth control since I was a teenager and this is very odd for me. I am not sure that I even need because I wonder if this was a one time thing and will never happen again , And what if it does .....Now I am again on that monthly cycle roller coaster . and not even going through fertility treatments, I guess since I have had Aiden and knew we couldn't afford more treatments that Iwasn't even paying much attention to my cycle. I mean of course I noticed it was becoming more regulat after the weight loss , and I knew the ovulation signals, but I had no real hope that I could conceive on my own becauss of the PCOS and the endometriosis issues. NOW I will wonder each month am or what ???? Mother nature sure can be mean sometimes
The bleeding has pretty much stopped , and I started an antibiotic yesterday as well. She said that since the miscarriage issues had gone on for such a long time then she thought it would be a good idea to take an antibiotic. She called in doxycycline, I am glad she did so that it will be one less complication issue to worry about. SHe told Paul that we could discuss birth control at my next appointment ????? When he said I couldn't take it because of the clotting issue she said there are some non estogen options that are safe for me as well. I haven't had to think about birth control since I was a teenager and this is very odd for me. I am not sure that I even need because I wonder if this was a one time thing and will never happen again , And what if it does .....Now I am again on that monthly cycle roller coaster . and not even going through fertility treatments, I guess since I have had Aiden and knew we couldn't afford more treatments that Iwasn't even paying much attention to my cycle. I mean of course I noticed it was becoming more regulat after the weight loss , and I knew the ovulation signals, but I had no real hope that I could conceive on my own becauss of the PCOS and the endometriosis issues. NOW I will wonder each month am or what ???? Mother nature sure can be mean sometimes
Wednesday, March 6, 2013
Tuesday, March 5, 2013
D & C
I had the D& C procedure done today, so hopefully we will be able to start the healing process of this miscarrige ordeal. I am ok emotionally,I think I am numb at this point, maybe because I didn't put so much effort into getting pregnant or didn't have to go through the IUI process. ANd that I only knew about the pregnancy for 4 days. I don't knwo amybe that is an excuse that my sybconscious is using to prevent the pain from being overwhelming !
The bleeding is more than what I expected but I am sure that it won't last for much longer and I can hopefully be on the way to healing .
The bleeding is more than what I expected but I am sure that it won't last for much longer and I can hopefully be on the way to healing .
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