Baby section

I have a cousin whom I am very close to and she is expecting a baby girl in April. I have each week bought a gift for her shower that I knew would be coming up soon, and I thought that it would be tough to buy a baby gift after the miscarriage, but it wasn't as bad as I expected. I did have the take my breath away moment of why not me - but it wasn't unbearable. I remembered the smile Aiden has when I walk into the room and the way he says HI mom - and he brings me sunshine and makes my whole body smile- not even sure if that makes sense , my whole body smile, but that;s the way he makes me feel.
Had another Beta HCG test yesterday and i'm waiting to see what the results of that are- hopefully it will be below 5 so that I can stop the weekly bloodwork and this ordeal be over and I can put this to rest. The bleeding has become dark brown and I know that's old blood, and no more clots so I am really really hoping that it's over and I can begin living again. And not focus on what my body has planned for me today--but who am I kidding I am obsessed with what my body is up to- or at least I am now- the past two years just focusing on my babyboy and not even thinking about fertility issues have been vacation that I didn't even realize I was on - until I had to think about it after a surprise pregnancy - I am now gonna be wondering each month. I plan to try NOT to focus on it but we will see how that goes !