Mixed emotions

SO last night I am on facebook, and I see that another one of my cousins is expecting again...I Am happy for her but sad for me, It just seems unfair that I am the one person in our family who can't just pop up pregnant...after Aiden was born pregnancy news wasn't so hard ot handle because I could hold my iracle in my arms and see how blessed I am. So how come that feeling has gone away, he is still a treasured blessing to me and makes my heart skip a beat every time I see him smile ! So why did I get that same old feeling when I saw the pic of a positive pregnancy test-ya know that punched in the gut , i'm gonna have to act happy while my insides are churning with envy feeling.. I realized that I will never have that joy of the am i pregnant ????? Phase and the sheer joy of taking a test to see the two lines--- Life just seems unfair !!!!!!!!!
  I want td be pregnant again , i'm almost 40 though and with my issues it just isn't reasonable, I wonder if I had a daughter to parent here on earth would it fill that void I seem to have, or would I still have that missing piece ? Wouldn't having having a girl put a lot of pressure on her to have all the dreams we had for Allison come true ?? And of course I had to tell my cousin I am hoping for a girl because she already has a son, and yeah I do hope she gets her girl,but I know its gonna hurt when she posts those IT"S A GIRL ultrasound pictures, I have another cousind due in december and she wanted a little girl but found out she is having a boy --and as horrible as this is gonna sound when she foudn out it was a boy ,I honestly breathed a sigh of relief. As I am typing this and reading the thoughts coming out of my head , I realize I need to get counseling or go to a grief support group , to help me with my feelings .....