Well I finally started my cycle after the miscarriage . I was happy to see it come about a month after the procedure . It was also kind of sad too. It was a reminder that the pregnancy had ended and the baby wasn't there .
And yesterday an aunt called that usually doesn't call and she asked how the baby was doing . No one had told her that I'd had a miscarriage . And I had to tell her and it was like remembering again .
We have our hone study tomorrow for the foster/ adopt process, and we have done a lot around the house and I'm still afraid it isn't going to be good enough. I have always been a worst case scenario person,mainly because that's generally how a situation ends for me. I'm excited that this could happen for us though. I've thought of being a faster mom for a very long time and i am starting to think this is my purpose for life , and that maybe this is why I've known so much heartache and loss and issues <u></u>ht conception and pregnancy . So that I will be able to understand what a miracle and treasure children are. I am extremely grateful for my bio- son and my adopted step sons and the experience of bing their mommy ! I know I can give children an unconditional love and lots of TLC , and it reunification is the goal, then I hope that I can help the parents and not be an enemy to them .
Paul is going to return to his job at the old company that will have him working out of town all week . I'm a little disappointed that this May Henderson the foster or adoption process. And it hurts because his response when I mentioned this was-- I will be making more money and I we can just do the adoption route ...uggggggggg -- we have done all the training and certification for the fostering to adopt process and I am happy about this direction our lives are going and he doesn't seem to think it matters !
I have always supported his dreams through our marriage and never criticized them and let him be who he wanted to be . Just like now ,he's taking the pilot classes to get his license ( and that is a huge financial obligation $7,000) and it takes a large amount of his time, I have been telling him how proud I and him and even copied the notes from the instructors manual for him....so I'm feeling that support is one- sided in our relationship . My dream has always been to be a paramedic and ultimately a life flight paramedic. But I had to quit the rescue squad because he has extreme jealousy issues from a previous marriage. And I quit the volunteer fire department for the same reason . I tried various jobs in the healthcare field and the jealousy he displayed always made it unbearable for me to work. Yet I've never given him a reason to be jealous !!!! So I'm a abut cynical at the moment and trying hard to work through this feeling .
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