Negative

Well the pregnancy test was finally negative , so I'm hoping that means all the HCG hormone is out of my system . Of course it could still be too high since pregnancy test only test positive or 25miu or more , but at least that means it's going the right direction . Then last night I had this horrible pain in my left side , it was almost making me double over, I thought it was probably an ovarian cyst or something messed up with my tube ( usually for me it's always the bad ) then as I was walking through the house to go get some ibuprofen, an app on my phone sent me a notification that this was my fertile window ???????-- I thought for a second and then said ok then let's see. And the the OPK showed two lines , I couldn't believe it . Now I have read that PCOS and OPKs aren't reliable together . But of course hubby's was worried about the pain and came to see if I was ok and he saw the test !!!!!! He shifted into some kind of reproductive master mode. Of course y'all know what we did ..... And he said don't move, don't sit up stay still --WOW where did this all come from , he hasn't said one word about trying again after the miscarriage , but apparently he does. So now I suppose we are going to try and pretend we aren't on that roller coaster every month ! And now I am gonna feel like I am letting him down every month if it doesn't happen and if it does the chances for another miscarriage are high and how could we handle that again ?   Why does Mother Nature have to be so cruel , for many years my body wouldn't ovulate when I was young enough to have quality eggs and a healthier body and now that I'm over 40 , I ovulate AND get pregnant but their is some issue that won't allow me to carry to term. Is it egg quality ? I have ordered and been taking a supplement ( ovaboost) that is supposed to help with that issue but surely if this cycle was successful it wouldn't be enough in my system to make a difference ! And the cassava I started at the same time , which is supposed to work like clomid and cause OHSS , it couldn't work that quickly-- could it ????? Guess we will have to just see what is in the stars for us .

    On to another part of our life , Aiden has caught a cold/ virus and been running a fever. He is four (5 in July ) and this will be only his second cold his entire life , once he had a near infection while we were staying in a motel with his father who was working out of town. But his immune system is usually pretty strong , so I'm trying to keep him hydrated and comfortable , while disinfecting the rest of the house to protect the rest of us . He woke up this morning and immediately asked for a Popsicle to make his mouth cool off .. Poor little guy ,breaks my heart that he's feeling crappy and I can't do anything about it !! And the snow is here and so prettying and he wants to go make a snowman! How do I say no -- we hardly get snow in NC and kids grow up so fast , what if I say no and miss out on some great memories he could have, and what if I say eyes and his cold becomes something more than a cold ???   The older boys were sick so much more when they'd were his age. Partly I believe because their lack of nutritional foods and that their dad smoked and their birth mom wasn't the healthiest person either so I'm assuming she didn't eat healthy while pregnant . I will never understand why women like her can have babies as easy as breathing and then take it and the children for granted. And I know all these amazing women  who struggle and eat as perfectly as they can just to be sure . 

After losing Allison in 2009 to incompetent cervix and then two IUIs to conceive Aiedin the next year, I made sure to eat as healthy as I could , when I was diagnosed with gestational diabetes at 14 weeks I ate EXACTLY like the nutritionist told me to ,I would carefully measure every morsel that went in my mouth . The entire pregnancy I cheated ONE time and ate a fun size snicker bar, the guilt from that tiny little bit of indulgence was so much that i was never tempted again to cheat. I had a list of foods that I could eat as much as I wanted and no worries, I remember celery, and green beans being on that list and I ate so many green beans that it's a wonder he wasn't born looking like the hulk !!!!!!! Ironically these are his favorite veggie now.